Please stop eating grass like you are a goat. I no longer want a goat after having to wrangle the chickens solo this summer and deal with their broodiness and inconsistent egg laying behaviors. I have had a quick realization being a farmer would be A WHOLE LOTTA WORK! So please go back to being a dog and stop eating grass in obscene amounts when I am not home.
I do not like waking up to the sound of you vomiting, or cleaning it up when my body really wants to just lie down and sleep and only one eye is actually open. I feel bad for you 'cause you are sick, but I also want to strangle you 'cause you did it to yourself & now I AM PAYING THE PRICE. I would like to sit down and eat a bakers dozen of Congdon's Donuts, but I know I would be sick after and so I use self control, please try the same.
Also, do not poop in the ocean EVER AGAIN... I do not like having to go in the water ankle deep w/ my sneakers on to only have to run 2mi back to the car after in wet socks & sneakers. I'd prefer you find a nice spot along the trail in the woods to take care of that business BEFORE we get to the beach!
xxx
-Your loving but disappointed Mama.
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